At Monday night’s Giants-Phillies series opener, Dany Heatley of the San Jose Sharks threw out a ceremonial first pitch side-by-side with what reports say was a 17-year-old girl (she looks much younger). Hilarity ensues courtesy of Bay Area Sports Blog (at least before MLB rips it down):
The Giants clearly planned this insult to Canada’s national pasttime to rattle overrated Canadian pitcher Roy “Billie” Halladay, the Phillies starter. Roy “Billie” Halladay also pitched worse than the young girl, allowing two runs in the first and five overall — one of the 10 hits he allowed was to backup catcher Eli Whiteside. When are people going to start listening to me when I tell them Halladay’s an overrated sack of crap?
Every year the Super Bowl comes around, I imagine in my head what would happen if those two cities met in the World Series. Can you imagine the Pirates and Diamondbacks playing an important series at some point? I don’t know why I do this, but it often serves simply to prove that it’s good that these towns have the NFL, because their baseball teams suck.
Anyways, I tried to do that for this years Big Game, but as it turns out, the cities involved are probably made up. The don’t and have never had a Major League Baseball team. Can anyone tell me ANYTHING about these towns? I might have heard of them, but I have no idea in what context that would have come up. Perhaps this exercise would work if I compared their NHL franchises….
(All kidding aside, I used to live in Indiana… go Colts)
It’s part of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms that I must love hockey, and I’m a good citizen so I do just that. My love for NHL hockey in particular, however, has been sharply declining over the past few years, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let the root cause seep into Major League Baseball.
The salary cap is doing exactly what I thought it would do when it was introduced. It is turning the league into a boring collection of bland teams. The most interesting story of this season so far has been the Toronto disaster. The two most interesting teams are probably Chicago and Washington – the next two teams that will have to shed talent before they have won anything. It is Gary Bettman’s McHockey league, a celebration of mediocrity. – The Great Hockey Blogger Tom Benjamin
Do we really want a new incarnation of the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals to win the World Series every year? If we do, then why stop there? Let’s adapt more NHL-esque rules:
Home runs don’t count if the umpire had the intent to stop play prior to the ball leaving the field
When a batter takes a defensive swing at a pitch and hits it foul and out of play, he’s out
Games tied after 9 innings will be decided by Milk Bottle Throw
If your side loses Milk Bottle Throw, you still get half a win (and you still get half a win if you lose in the bottom of the 9th)
There will be more fighting (yay!), but most of the fights will be pre-scripted (i.e., the batter will walk to the plate, he will nod to the pitcher, and before a single pitch is thrown they will charge each other and hold each other’s jerseys with vigour for three minutes)
Two umpires behind home plate (I don’t see what could go wrong here)
The season will be interrupted during Olympic years so millionaires can win medals/star in even more cereal commercials
Every stadium shall have a roof, and all ballpark dimensions shall be identical
No personalities are allowed for MLB players. Everyone has to talk like “Celine” Dion Phaneuf
Mike Milbury will be allowed to run a team in New York for about a decade. I can see him putting his stamp on a team by trading Alfredo Aceves, Phil Hughes, and Robinson Cano (and cash) for Yuniesky Betancourt
And while we’re at it, and for the future stability of Major League Baseball, let’s expand to Professional Baseball hotbeds like Red Deer, Moose Jaw, Hay River, and Flin Flon. The Milwaukee Brewers should be moved to Iqaluit and called the Ookpiks. The NHL has all the answers. C’mon Baseball, follow the leader.
