The perfect game deserves the perfect stache. Let’s get our MOOPS on…

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Seductive Scribe Eric Doerr already put his heart on the line with regards to Youk’s Motorhead-style stache, but what if The Greek God of Illegitimate Children Walks were to model a working man’s mustache?

You know, sculpt a Nine-to-Five Steak-and-Potatoes mustache; a foundation mustache onto which all other mustaches are erected. Well, thanks to 7th Inning Stache’s famous MOOPS (Mustache Oy! Oy! Projection System), we no longer have to simply imagine what Youkilis would look like if he entered a lumberjack contest — exclusive pic after the jump.

(E-I-C UPDATE: If you like what you see, you can make a Youkilis mustache a reality as 7IS has learned via Masshole Sports that Youk is taking votes on his facial hair in exchange for $1 donations to his charity Hits for Kids. Please help “mustache” or “Fu Manchu” beat “clean-shaven” or “goatee.” Go here to donate/vote under Facial Hair Reality.)

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Chan Ho Park’s awarding-winning beard is a no-no on the no-fun Yankees, but not even the Walmart of Major League Baseball can (or will) fight the mustache.

Using 7th Inning Stache’s famous MOOPS (Mustache Oy! Oy! Projection System), we are able to reveal Chan Ho Park, in action, with a fierce nose neighbour:

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To my wife’s chagrin, I’ve been known to grow a mustache now and then (a real one, not some idiotic ironic hipster mustache). As you probably know, the most dignified way to grow a mustache is to:

1. Grow a beard
2. Shave off the non-mustache beard bits

It really is that simple. Just ask reigning AL MVP Joe Mauer of the Minnesota Twins, who is currently in stage one.

Using 7th Inning Stache’s MOOPS (Mustache Oy! Oy! Projection System), Joe Mauer’s upper lip can tease us no longer. After the jump, marvel at how Mauer would look if he shaved his (face) cheeks now:

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