On June 17, 2009, three nefarious Canadians committed the foulest of crimes in Cincinnati’s home of the Reds: The Great American Ballpark. Their crime? Buying Beer… as Canadians! This is part three of their story.

Canadian Gerald, pictured above (he’s the one wearing shorts, some sort of Reds merchandise, and holding an illegal beer), is a baseball encyclopedia. Ask him who played center field for the Texas Rangers in 1985. While most people would answer, “who cares?”, Gerald will tell you it was Oddibe McDowell, who was also the first Ranger to hit for the cycle… and he also sported a slick pencil ‘stache.

Gerald was the second of the Canadian Three that 7th Inning Stache was able to contact and interview for his side of the story regarding the international incident that was created when he and his friends had the audacity to buy beer, as Canadians, in Cincinnati’s Great American Ballpark.

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When I was in University, I was one of those smart-asses that sat in the back with the couple of friends I had (we hated everyone else), and when we weren’t sleeping in our seats, we made up nicknames for the fellow students who annoyed us the most.

There was one fellow student we called “Retard With A Watch And Floating Hat.”  Not the most imaginative or politically-correct nickname, but University students are too sleep-deprived and self-important to notice those things.

During our early-morning Linear Systems and Signals class, RWAWAFH’s alarm would go off (the alarm was built into his digital watch, as per part of his nickname), and rather than just pushing a button to turn the alarm off, he would squeeze his wrist against his thigh to try to mute the beeping as much as possible.

The nickname is starting to make more sense now, eh?

He also wore caps that didn’t fit.  You guessed it, his cap always appeared to be floating on the top of his head.  Dude had a monster dome, and he was still buying his caps from the children’s section.

The previous style of MLB batting practice caps, while fitted, managed to create the illusion of being too small by making the hat look like it was cut well above the wearer’s ears.  Seeing a ballplayer or a fan in one of these hats reminded me of RWAWAFH, and it’s not a fair comparison because I’m pretty sure almost all baseball fans and players can turn off their watch’s alarm.
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We read darn near the entire internets so you don’t have to, presenting you with some of the best baseball-related material darn near every weekday in Peanuts and CrackerLINKS….

Why is Dustin Pedroia on a doll? Actually, the Red Sox appreciate their fan support in Australia, but deny reports of playing exhibitions games there next March. (Probably because of the backwards toilets.) [sox & dawgs]

Why the Cubs should find a way to keep Milton Bradley. [the BASEBALL analysts]

Royals give $7 million to 19-year-old Cuban (who was ranked this year’s 10th best free agent by ESPN’s Keith Law). [royals AUTHORITY]

The only reason the Mets shouldn’t want Milton Bradley is fielding, but they say it’s his reputation and poor 2008. [mets FEVER]

Yet the Mets focusing on Nationals LF Josh Willingham is a positive development? [mets MERIZED online]

VIDEO: Atlanta Braves reporter’s “Balls On My Face” blooper. [my SPORTS rumors]

Felix Pie leads off 20 Sports Figures With Food Names. (Yes, it’s pronounced Pee-Ay, but it’s spelled PIE.) [fansided]

Even the Yankees Hate Yankee Fans; or where The Yankee Universe blog went wrong. [gunaxin]

Got a post you think is worthy of link dumpage? Please send links @ NESWblogs-at-gmail.com. Or just follow Chalk on twitter and send him a DM.

Top Story is 7IS Editor-in-Chief David Chalk’s take on the top MLB story of the day….

The Boston Red Sox have signed free agent shortstop Marco Scutaro to a two-year deal, pending a phyiscal.  News of the deal was first reported Thursday night by www.liderendeportes.com out of Venezuela.

Closer to home the immediate reaction from Red Sox Nationals is that Scutaro was like an unwanted pregnancy, but the best child born out of wedlock available.  See for instance Fire Brand of the American League’s Mike Silver:

Not a bad haul for a drunken mistake …. it’s what we have. Maybe the little guy will grow up to be a Rembrandt, maybe he’ll be an alcoholic, but either way, he’s ours and we need to love him.

But let’s get something straight. There is a lot to like here – and signing Scutaro is like making the best of a bad situation.

The nuts and bolts of Marco Scutaro are that he is an average fielding shortstop with plus offensive skills for his position. These kinds of players do not grow on trees.

Scutaro is coming off a career year last year with the Blue Jays, where he hit .282 with 100 RBI and 12 HR, but also missed the last two weeks of the ’09 season with an injured right heel.

Personally I think he could be a downgrade from the former Devil Ray greats Julio Lugo and Nick Green that manned Boston’s shortstop position last year.  And it also nixes Dustin Pedroia’s rumored move to shortstop, preventing him from following in the tiny footsteps of his tiny idol David Eckstein.

Top Story is 7IS Editor-in-Chief David Chalk’s take on the top MLB story of the day….

Today’s top story is that Tigers 2B Placido Palanco seems to be nearing a deal with the Philadelphia Phillies, where he would play third base.  The Red Sox were also said to be interested in him, keeping him at second and having Mini-MVP Dustin Pedroia move to short.

Wow.  The end of the Pedro Feliz Era.

Just take a moment to let that sink in.

Ya — sorry, Tiger Woods can’t have Derek Jeter sex dreams every day of the week.

We read darn near the entire internets so you don’t have to, presenting you with some of the best baseball-related material darn near every weekday in Peanuts and CrackerLINKS….

Very short Dustin Pedroia to make short move to shortstop to keep Sox from coming up short again to the Yankees. [my SPORTS rumors]

Jeter owes everything to George Costanza — VIDEO of Jeter and Bernie Williams on SEINFELD back in the day. [global SPORTS fraternity]

AL East Economics Lesson: the Blue Jays and Orioles are the fat kids who can’t help being fat. [fire BRAND of THE american LEAGUE]

Most Dominant Athlete Ever List/Vote — baseball section starts with Ty Cobb, noting what a jerk he was, then Babe Ruth, but says Not Barry Bonds.  Weird. I recommend writing in Barry Bonds. [gunaxin]

Matt Sebek of JoeSportsFans.com co-hosts Dan Levy’s podcast, hitting on McGwire, Jeter, Pujols and the canning of Chip Caray. [on THE dl]

The NY Post’s Joel Sherman thinks Alex Rodriguez would’ve been a more appropriate Sportsman of the Year. [fack YOUK]

10 Sportsmen of the Year that would have been better picks for SI than Derek Jeter. [bugs&cranks]

Got a post you think is worthy of link dumpage? Please send links @ NESWblogs-at-gmail.com. Or just follow Chalk on twitter and send him a DM.