Every Thursday, 7IS Contributor Ryan Henning will take a look at a rumor burning up the hot stove. You may not think it’s important, but it must be important to someone.

I guess I didn’t even realize that this was a possibility,  Adrian Gonzalez being on the trading block. Shows what little I know, I guess. Jayson Stark reassures those that had assumed that the Padres would still give up next year that Adrian Gonzalez isn’t leaving San Diego. Well, thanks, I guess. If things like this need to be spelled out for people, I think I should take it upon myself to make everyone aware of the following stories that aren’t really stories, but assumed facts.

- Derek Jeter will probably re-sign with the Yankees next season

- Looks like the Mariners will be playing in Seattle next year.

- Barry Bonds is having a tough time finding a contract

- Bronson Arroyo probably won’t make the billboard charts

- Despite a better record, the White Sox won’t match the Cubs attendance totals.

- The Yankees and Red Sox will play each other

- The 2011 All Star Game will be in Arizona.

Anything else I missed? I’m sure there must be. But yeah, Adrian Gonzalez is not getting traded. Yet.

Every Friday, 7IS Contributor Ryan Henning will take a look at what’s happening in the life of a former, possibly forgotten player. You may not think it’s important, but it must be important to someone.

Everyone knows who Mike Piazza is. He played catcher for the Dodgers and Mets for the bulk of his career, but he spent a little bit of time in Florida, San Diego and Oakland. He was a popular subject of the tabloids, owing his time in New York and his frosted tips. There were questions about his sexuality most frequently, which he answered by marrying a Playboy Playmate Alicia Rickter. Tale THAT, New York Post.

On the field, one of his more famous moments was the 2000 World Series, when Roger Clemens took it upon himself to fire bat shards back at Piazza, perhaps hoping to finish the job after rifling a fastball at his head in a previous meeting. Piazza and Clemens had so much in commmon… the frosted tips, the New York employer, but since their meeting, they certainly have seen their lives take different arcs. To wit:

Love connection: Piazza is married to Alicia Rickter, Clemens was connected to Mindy McCready, who was 15 at the time.

Public Appearances: Piazza caught the last pitch at Shea Stadium and the first at Citi Field, certainly a beloved figure in Queens. Clemens is most regularly spotted at a Supreme Court Hearing.

General righteousness: As mentioned, Clemens probably committed statutory rape, did steroids and lied to congress. Piazza appeared in a video, professing how much his religion helped him as a player.

I’m mostly surprised Piazza is doing color commentary for Fox right now, but for the most part, he is staying out of the national eye.

Every Friday, 7IS Contributor Ryan Henning will take a look at what’s happening in the life of a former, possibly forgotten player. You may not think it’s important, but it must be important to someone.

If ever there was a name that sounded as though it were either made up, perhaps by the producers of My Name is Earl, it was that of Marvell Wynne. He was a journeyman center fielder over the course of his 8 year baseball career. He spent the beginning of his Major League Baseball career playing in Pittsburgh, with stops in San Diego and Chicago for a brief stint with the Cubs. Eventually, the Cubs grew weary of his light hitting, all speed ways and shipped him off to a team in Japan, where they valued speed. His high caught stealing rate was very high, though, and his career ended a year later. The Japanese frown on inefficiency.

The funny thing about Marvell is that he decided that there weren’t enough Marvells in the world, and he named his son after himself. That is why when you Google Wynne’s name, you are more likely to get his son, who was also blessed with lightning quick speed and is a professional athlete. Playing soccer. He currently plays for something called the Colorado Rapids.  This is a video that comes up of Marvell Wynne II

So there you go. Former scrappy (I assume) center fielder Marvell Wynne now bides his time following MLS soccer and his son who is good, maybe. I don’t know, this is the 7th Inning Stache, A Baseball Blog, not FIFA World Stache, a Soccer Blog.

We’re considering Dave Kingman for induction into the 7IS MLB Mustache Hall of Fame, but frankly I think his career OBP is just too low. Still Devon Young who runs a nice site blogging the 1982 Topps card set was kind enough to send in this sweet 1982 Topps Dave Kingman with Fu Manchu:

It’s not quite Mutton Chops Yaz, but it is certainly something to ponder.  To read more about Dave Kingman and how he led the National League in home runs in 1982, visit Devon Young’s My First Cards: Blogging The 1982 Topps Set.

Somehow, inexplicably, the San Diego Padres are atop the NL West leader board. This isn’t the mid 2000s, where the NL West was won by raffle, not so much by discernible baseball skill. In the omnipresent “vote for our players” All-Star promotion on every MLB team’s website, the three suggested recipients of your adulation are Adrian Gonzalez, Nick Hundley, Chase Headley and David Freaking Eckstein. This is not a roster that suggests “postseason”, but perhaps if they got a few more guys whose last names were H-Something something-ley, they would be an obvious threat to win the pennant, but right now I’m at a loss. I wouldn’t have wasted your time, though, if I hadn’t thought of some theories.

- As Tracy Morgan has established, the best looking girls always want to get with the Padres. All those Quadruple A players know that the women don’t flock to them when they are with the Portland Beavers like they do when with the Padres. Do you really think someone with a made up name like Luke Gregerson would be popular with the ladies outside of San Diego? I think not. Side note… Is it wrong for me to say that Tracy Morgan is perhaps the most likely celebrity OD on the planet right now?  I hope I’m wrong, but I have a sneaking suspicion he is almost always on cocaine.

- Mat Latos’ second T had been weighing the team down.

-

OH MY GOD IT’S JUST ARMS AND HEADS! WHAT HAPPENED TO THEIR BODIES?!?!?! (The camouflage may be throwing off opponents)

- 100% grit, hustle, game management and excellent coaching. TGIE! (Thank God it’s Eckstein!)

- Multiple Hairstons.

- Tony Gwynn Junior bringing  some of what his daddy brought to the table. Namely, .232 of his batting average points.

- Everth Cabrera is on the DL.

Those are my theories. If anyone else has any, I would love to hear them

That picture pretty much sums up Fred Lynn better than any picture I could.  That’s just a guy livin’ life, fashion be damned. He is going to throw on his Tommy Bahama shirt with the squares on it and go to a seaside memorabilia shop and sign some autographs.  And you know what? It’s Saturday. He’s not buttoning the top button.

Lynn was the popular center fielder for the Red Sox late in the 70s before bouncing around from California to Baltimore Detroit and San Diego. He was the Rookie of the Year AND the American League MVP in 1975, all while getting a gold glove and hitting a league leading 47 doubles. That same season, he had a game in which he had 10 RBI, 3 homers and a triple. When he was traded from Boston to California, his career trajectory took a sudden downturn, and that’s probably why he isn’t in the Hall of Fame.  He was pretty good to start his career though, aided by Fenway’s generous dimensions for lefties. , and just wasn’t able to match the numbers he put up in Beantown

But it’s not like he cares. He shows up at celebrity softball games whenever they are being played, and he is one of those guys who seems like he is always available for a charity event or an autograph signing. Just let him grab his glasses, a pen and a pina colada.

Squirrels breed twice a year, usually with 2-6 babies born in a litter. The biological cause of splitting gametes and whatnot leads to the high possibility that every squirrel born will have a genetically identical partner. What am I getting at? There is a good chance that the squirrel that attacked Brendan Harris early this week was, in fact, a twin. Couple this with the fact the Sean Rodriguez from Tampa was recently stung by a ray while at the beach, then, well, you have a trend. Team mascots are going after utility players. Here are a few more scenarios:

While at a local Houston area theme park with his family, a group of performers in Jetsons costumes entertain the Keppinger family. The Jetsons’ dog, Astro, excitedly bites Jeff.

After donning his nicest suit before a friend’s wedding, Chicago infielder Omar Vizquel suffers a panic attack while sifting through his dresser hoping to complete his wardrobe.  He is found rocking in a corner, muttering “I only have white socks. White socks…. white socks….”

After a full two months of being competitive, Pittsburgh’s Bobby Crosby goes on a Mediterranean cruise, which is hijacked by increasingly daring Somali pirates.

On a Sunday in San Diego, David Eckstein goes to church after the game. After a spiritually uplifting service, Eckstein decides to go to the sacristy to express his appreciation. The priest (or “padre”) is having fun with his altar boys, and David accidentally interrupts their game of darts. The padre throws his dart as Eck walks in front of the dartboard, and it gets stuck in his glove hand. (What did you think I meant by “having fun with his altar boys”?)

Julio Lugo gets lost while driving in Baltimore and decides to pull off the road in a seedy part of town. A beautiful black and orange bird, an oriole descends and lands on a fence post . While he is admiring the beautiful creature, Lugo is viciously mugged.

Kevin Frandsen and friends are at a bar in southern California. The LAA utility man doesn’t realize, however, that this is a biker bar, and they don’t take kindly to the scrappy type. He is chased out by a mob of ornery Hell’s Angels.

Tiger Woods sleeps with Don Kelly’s girlfriend.

Reds infielder Paul Janish is overthrown as head of his local homeowners association in favor of a communist regime.

I guess what I’m saying is, if you play infield positions to give other players off days, be careful out there, all right?

Every Friday, 7IS Contributor Ryan Henning will take a look at what’s happening in the life of a former, possibly forgotten player. You may not think it’s important, but it must be important to someone.

It was only a matter of time, wasn’t it? The picture we use for a Cold Stahoviak featured former athlete is his booking photo. During his career, he won a World Series with the Blue Jays and was a popular inclusion in trades. A year after his World Series championship, he was sent to San Diego. Two seasons later, he was involved in a 12 player trade, when the Houston Astros were traded for the San Diego Padres. He was traded another time, to the Mets in a paltry 5 player deal.

His last team was the Pirates, where he signed a free agent contract. He was signed to a 4.5 million dollar deal, and was competing for a starting spot. The only problem was he didn’t realize he was in a competition and reacted unfavorably. He said, rather famously that if he had to compete, he would go into “Operation Shutdown”.The comment has lived on in infamy in Pittsburgh. There is even a 2002 era article still lingering on ESPN on the topic. His baseball-reference page is sponsored by Acacia and states “Operation Shutdown – since 2002“. This is the coolest thing Acacia has ever done. There is a Pittsburgh Pirates blog entitled Operation Shutdown.  Anyone wishing to make fun of Bell better bite their tongue, however, because he go the last laugh. He never played for the Pirates but made 4.5 million dollars from them, and the Pirates, perhaps because they didn’t start Bell, haven’t had a winning season since.

Bell, however, isn’t the mastermind we might have thought. He blew enough of his career earnings, including his Pittsburgh based 4.5 mil, that he needed to hawk his World Series ring. The problem may not have been related entirely to the moving expenses related to being traded as many times as he was. As you may have inferred from the picture above, he has run afoul of the law a couple times recently, for riding the white pony, which Chalk can tell you is an expensive habit. Here’s hoping that Bell can straighten things out. I would say there is a decent chance the Pirates might be willing to take him back.