Every Friday, 7IS Contributor Ryan Henning will take a look at what’s happening in the life of a former, possibly forgotten player. You may not think it’s important, but it must be important to someone.

When I was a wee lad and the Twins were beginning to enter their decade long decline, I felt OK with growing fond of a National League. When all you did was look at the American League, those NL teams were rather exotic, and I liked the idea of becoming more enchanted with one of those teams. For a kid from Minnesota, there was no team more mysterious to me than the Montreal Expos. Throw in their bright red, white and blue color schemes (key for a kindergartner) and an awesome road trip that took the Hennings through Montreal and I was hooked. I always wanted to play the infield, and Tim Wallach soon became my favorite player.

Of course, my friend up the street had a very old version of Strat-O-Matic baseball that his dad had preserved from childhood. We would essentially close our eyes and pick teams, which meant one of us would get Matty or Felipe or Jesus Alou. Having never experienced the Alou era in person, we were stunned that three of them made it to the majors. Then Moises came along, and he was playing for the Expos! He became an instant favorite.

Of course, Alou would eventually move from team to team indiscriminately. He signed with the Marlins, got traded to the Astros, then signed with the Cubs, then the Giants and finally the Mets. He won a ring in 97 with the Marlins and was part of their dismantling effort after the season. He had a late career resurgence playing with Sammy Sosa, which is not at all suspicious. He was also the outfielder famous for the Bartman incident. Oh, and there was the whole thing that he peed on his hands, to “make them tougher”.

Today, Moises is out of the public spotlight, living with his wife, Austria (really!) and kids Percio, Kirby and Moises Jr.

Every Thursday, 7IS Contributor Ryan Henning will take a look at a rumor burning up the hot stove. You may not think it’s important, but it must be important to someone.

The Hot Stahoviak has spent a lot of time talking about Houston and Philadelphia, for some reason, so as we are just two days from the trade deadline, it seems appropriate that we deal with a rumor (perhaps a near fact?) that Roy Oswalt is on his way to the Phillies. The only thing holding this deal up, as the money and prospects are pretty well set in stone it sounds, is Oswalt’s approval. This isn’t always a formality, getting a player approval on a trade like this, so let’s remember that this is Philadelphia and highlight some of the reasons things might not work out. Why wouldn’t Oswalt want to go to Philly?

- He would have to go as Roy O. instead of just Roy. Who wants that?

- While he is in favor of vomiting, he does not endorse vomiting on children

- In addition to being far from his native Mississippi geographically, Philadelphia is just far too literate for his tastes

- Doesn’t trust Jimmy Rollins batting behind him. Oswalt needs some pitches to hit!

- Prefers the gold star of the Astros to the blue of the Phillies. Blue stars are for losers.

Every Thursday, 7IS Contributor Ryan Henning will take a look at a rumor burning up the hot stove. You may not think it’s important, but it must be important to someone.

We’re getting down to the trade deadline. Only 9 days away! Expect a whole lot of Buster Olney and Ken Rosenthal occupying your subconscious, telling you about how much a team likes someone or who has been scouting who. One name in particular that will become a constant headache for the next week plus is Roy Oswalt.

He’s demanding that the acquiring team pick up his 2012 option, which is killing many proposals, from the sound of it. Some are saying he will drop that demand, but even then, this trade will be a tough pill to swallow for most Astros fans. There are three primary candidates that could end up with Oswalt and rip the hearts out of Houston youngsters. Let’s take a look at these villains.

Saint Louis Cardinals: It would be tough to see Oswalt pitching for a division rival if you are  a Houston fan. But the Cardinals have the right idea. Oswalt is always best when he has two Cy Young candidates in the rotation with him (see: Roger Clemens/Andy Pettitte)

Philadelphia Phillies: If the Phillies acquire Oswalt, this would give the Phillies the most impressive tandem of Roys ever seen in a pitching rotation. It’s hard to argue with that.

Minnesota Twins: It appears that he may be unable to grow a suitable mustache. That said, there are some in Minneapolis who would rather have Roy Oswalt than Delmon Young. He’s not coming to Minnesota

If I had to guess, I would say he is going to Philadelphia, but of course, that is purely speculative. What is the trade deadline if now 3 months of speculation followed by 4 hours of trades then anyways?

There have been rumors swirling that the higher ups in Major League Baseball have wanted to reformulate the divisional structure in baseball. Well, things have really taken off, if you haven’t been paying attention. Here is a chronological rundown of the events as they happened.

- After rumors that the AL Central may want to expand to 6, 8 or even 10 teams, in order to increase the “footprint” of the league to put it’s TV network, FSN North in more houses. They have obviously long coveted the Milwaukee Brewers, but the rumors circulate that they will instead look to expand into some other major TV networks. People suspect that the teams invited will be the Cardinals, Mets and one last pitch to the Brewers.

- The AL West jumps the gun, and says they would like to expand to 8 teams as well, and invites the Astros, Cubs, Reds and Pirates.

- The Astros immediately join the AL West. Nobody cares.

- The Cardinals, who have wanted to play in the AL Central tell everyone how awesome it will be when they go to the AL Central. The AL Central adds the Rockies, say they are done expanding.

- The rest of the NL Central, especially Cardinals and Brewers, lobby the rest of the division to stay together and not join the Astros in the new, larger AL West. The decision will come down to the Cubs, clearly the financial behemoth of the division.

- In a stunning change, the Reds claim to be interested in joining the NL East, escaping the shadow of the Cubs.

- Despite Tim Kurkjian’s reports, the NL Central decides to hold together at the last minute, rather than creating the first 8 team super division in the AL West, leaving the Cardinals and Brewers adrift. The key factor in the deal? The Cubs get their own, highly profitable TV network, WGN.

- Embarrassed, humbled, but still eager to add the coveted 6th member, the AL West invited the Salt Lake Bees, who eagerly accept.

It’s been a whirlwind, that’s for sure, but at least the super divisions didn’t come to be. Outside the AL East, anyways.

Squirrels breed twice a year, usually with 2-6 babies born in a litter. The biological cause of splitting gametes and whatnot leads to the high possibility that every squirrel born will have a genetically identical partner. What am I getting at? There is a good chance that the squirrel that attacked Brendan Harris early this week was, in fact, a twin. Couple this with the fact the Sean Rodriguez from Tampa was recently stung by a ray while at the beach, then, well, you have a trend. Team mascots are going after utility players. Here are a few more scenarios:

While at a local Houston area theme park with his family, a group of performers in Jetsons costumes entertain the Keppinger family. The Jetsons’ dog, Astro, excitedly bites Jeff.

After donning his nicest suit before a friend’s wedding, Chicago infielder Omar Vizquel suffers a panic attack while sifting through his dresser hoping to complete his wardrobe.  He is found rocking in a corner, muttering “I only have white socks. White socks…. white socks….”

After a full two months of being competitive, Pittsburgh’s Bobby Crosby goes on a Mediterranean cruise, which is hijacked by increasingly daring Somali pirates.

On a Sunday in San Diego, David Eckstein goes to church after the game. After a spiritually uplifting service, Eckstein decides to go to the sacristy to express his appreciation. The priest (or “padre”) is having fun with his altar boys, and David accidentally interrupts their game of darts. The padre throws his dart as Eck walks in front of the dartboard, and it gets stuck in his glove hand. (What did you think I meant by “having fun with his altar boys”?)

Julio Lugo gets lost while driving in Baltimore and decides to pull off the road in a seedy part of town. A beautiful black and orange bird, an oriole descends and lands on a fence post . While he is admiring the beautiful creature, Lugo is viciously mugged.

Kevin Frandsen and friends are at a bar in southern California. The LAA utility man doesn’t realize, however, that this is a biker bar, and they don’t take kindly to the scrappy type. He is chased out by a mob of ornery Hell’s Angels.

Tiger Woods sleeps with Don Kelly’s girlfriend.

Reds infielder Paul Janish is overthrown as head of his local homeowners association in favor of a communist regime.

I guess what I’m saying is, if you play infield positions to give other players off days, be careful out there, all right?

José Desiderio Rodriguez Lima (September 30, 1972 – May 23, 2010). There is no more Lima Time. He died of a massive heart attack. I found it as a bit of a surprise. He was always so full of energy, and he was only 37 years old. The pic below was taken 5-21 at Dodger Stadium. 2 days later he passed.

I have 2 things I must say

1. God bless his family during this time.

2. I was looking for examples of “Lima Time”. Jose was known for his outbursts, his towel waving, his fights, his great pitching ( he was an all star ) his singing, and well … Lima Time.

MLB Media has a very financially sound plan. They take down all MLB videos, so when you want to find them, you can’t. There are no videos of Jose Lima. There is no Lima Time on the internet. Just close your eyes and remember. Thanks MLB Media!! You Stole Lima Time!!!!!!

Every Friday, 7IS Contributor Ryan Henning will take a look at what’s happening in the life of a former, possibly forgotten player. You may not think it’s important, but it must be important to someone.

It was only a matter of time, wasn’t it? The picture we use for a Cold Stahoviak featured former athlete is his booking photo. During his career, he won a World Series with the Blue Jays and was a popular inclusion in trades. A year after his World Series championship, he was sent to San Diego. Two seasons later, he was involved in a 12 player trade, when the Houston Astros were traded for the San Diego Padres. He was traded another time, to the Mets in a paltry 5 player deal.

His last team was the Pirates, where he signed a free agent contract. He was signed to a 4.5 million dollar deal, and was competing for a starting spot. The only problem was he didn’t realize he was in a competition and reacted unfavorably. He said, rather famously that if he had to compete, he would go into “Operation Shutdown”.The comment has lived on in infamy in Pittsburgh. There is even a 2002 era article still lingering on ESPN on the topic. His baseball-reference page is sponsored by Acacia and states “Operation Shutdown – since 2002“. This is the coolest thing Acacia has ever done. There is a Pittsburgh Pirates blog entitled Operation Shutdown.  Anyone wishing to make fun of Bell better bite their tongue, however, because he go the last laugh. He never played for the Pirates but made 4.5 million dollars from them, and the Pirates, perhaps because they didn’t start Bell, haven’t had a winning season since.

Bell, however, isn’t the mastermind we might have thought. He blew enough of his career earnings, including his Pittsburgh based 4.5 mil, that he needed to hawk his World Series ring. The problem may not have been related entirely to the moving expenses related to being traded as many times as he was. As you may have inferred from the picture above, he has run afoul of the law a couple times recently, for riding the white pony, which Chalk can tell you is an expensive habit. Here’s hoping that Bell can straighten things out. I would say there is a decent chance the Pirates might be willing to take him back.

It’s been a while since the Wall Street Journal released their list of the most hated teams in sports a couple weeks ago. Cleveland was somehow atop the list. It was a conversational topic for several days. Apparently, the news that the Astros are the 4th most hated team in the game has just filtered it’s way down to Texas, then to New England. Syndicated columnist Jeff Vrabel took exception to this finding, blaming it entirely on computers, which ironically had the fodder for this column available to him on the internet over two weeks ago.

Anywho, I thought it might be beneficial for someone outside of Texas to inform the Astros and their fans why the rest of the world might hate them.

- They play in the NL Central, along with noted villain Lou Piniella

- The potentially crippling hill in the middle of center field.

- The whole Texas thing. If you live in Texas, you probably don’t understand. Sorry.

- The insistence on continually wearing some ugly uniforms, but not ever wearing Nolan Ryan era throwbacks.

- Remember Clemens? Pettitte? The only thing worse than being the Yankees is trying to be the Yankees.

- Traffic in Houston.

- Enron

I’m sure there are many more reasons that I haven’t been able to discern. I personally don’t hate the Astros, but that’s mostly because I don’t care about them.